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Waking from nightmares

this needs to fucking stop

((Private entry))

if i have that thing in, there's no real reason for me to keep taking them, i remembered.

i wonder if there's a real reason for me to have it in, either. lightning never strikes twice.

another nightmare, but it wasn't about mom. i watched a storm over the lake, i saw a figure sailing a little boat and it went under. i felt the blood pounding in my ears and in my fingertips until i looked down and saw a heart in my hands. i didn't know what to do with it, i figured it was mine so i thought about sewing it back up inside myself, but i realized mine was still where it belonged, so i took a stone knife and cut a slit at my navel and sewed the heart inside there instead.

i want to know when i stopped feeling normal. this is fucked up beyond belief.